This blog started as a running thing and I sure haven’t been doing any running lately! I’d like to lay blame on the colder weather but the fact is that the weather is just an excuse. The fact is that I’m just not feeling it! I don’t feel like getting my gear on and heading out. I feel lazy and unfit and blahhhhhhhhhhhhh. The ridiculous thing is that I KNOW a run would help me with all of those feelings. But I can’t get my ass out the door and onto my beloved Greenway. WTF is wrong with me? I can rationalize in my head that it’s this or that or because of whatever. Excuses excuses excuses.
I plan to sign up for a series of races again for 2018 (I have been running these races since I started this running thing in 2013) which have always been a good motivator for me. I really need to make running a priority. For me and my mental health. And so I have something to blab about here in the space!
I don’t know why I fear using my cane in public. A variation on impostor syndrome or something maybe? Whatever is going on my mind, I’m pushing past it with the help of friends and especially my boyfriend. So last night, we went to a show and had balcony seats. Man, I get so anxious navigating those steep concrete stairs and navigating through all those people and I’ve been noticing at every show lately there is little undercurrent of anxiety which makes me a bit cranky so at the encouragement of my boyfriend, I brought my cane. And what do you know, it was a bit easier! I still need to feel confident in trusting the cane and using it as a tool to get around easier. And I will get less self conscious and more comfortable using it the more often I do! I’ll have more chances next week, as we’ve got two more shows coming up. One is in my favorite club that’s become nearly impossible to navigate as it’s painted black. hah!
Also, if you get a chance, LCD Soundsystem is a totally dancing fun time and you should definitely see them live!
Well, it’s that time of year that always gets me so down. We fall back this weekend and I’m already dreading the extra strain of getting around in darkness so early in the day, when I actually have to be out and about, ya know, commuting home from work and getting my kids from after school care. In the summer, I can function almost normally because there is SO MUCH light and it’s easier and frankly, way less painful. Case in point, I walked into a fire hydrant yesterday morning and almost ran into a bicyclist on Wednesday evening (who was totally being a dick by biking on the sidewalk but still.)
My seven year old tries to help but she’s seven, a kid, and often in her own imaginative world so I don’t blame her when she doesn’t give me fair warning. I am happy to announce that I did use my seeing eye cane on Halloween night for trick or treating. GO me! I am going to have to start having it on me all the time now. I need to get over whatever is holding me back (I’m not disabled enough, not blind enough, worried about what people might think/say/do that I encounter out and about) WTF ever is my issue, I need to just.get.over.it.
Running has kind of taken a back seat. Which makes me feel depressed. Which in turn makes me not want to get out and run. Which makes me feel depressed and the cycle continues. I am planning on signing up for a series of races in 2018 which will help me in the motivational department. I already am entered into one that falls near my birthday so happy 43rd birthday to me.