Yeah life gets in the way sometimes

The good news: I’ve been running more in 2018 than I did in 2017

The bad news: but not as much as I should and want to be

The good news: I started a new job that is challenging and interesting and worked with my life and kids’ schedule

The bad news: the CEO decided to eliminate my position so…

The good news: I’m running the Great River Ragnar in August!

The bad news: there is no bad news for that one!

Life is equal parts FML and yayyy!

I did it

I used my cane last night getting home on the bus. No one harassed me, no one yelled “faker” at me! The best was people moving their feet outta the way. Yay!

I realized last night, I need this thing now for my evening bus commute as I cut off a person waiting to exit the bus because I didn’t see him. So instead of looking like an entitled, rude asshole, I’d much rather look like a disabled person.

Next Up!

This blog started as a running thing and I sure haven’t been doing any running lately! I’d like to lay blame on the colder weather but the fact is that the weather is just an excuse. The fact is that I’m just not feeling it! I don’t feel like getting my gear on and heading out. I feel lazy and unfit and blahhhhhhhhhhhhh. The ridiculous thing is that I KNOW a run would help me with all of those feelings. But I can’t get my ass out the door and onto my beloved Greenway. WTF is wrong with me? I can rationalize in my head that it’s this or that or because of whatever. Excuses excuses excuses.

I plan to sign up for a series of races again for 2018 (I have been running these races since I started this running thing in 2013) which have always been a good motivator for me. I really need to make running a priority. For me and my mental health. And so I have something to blab about here in the space!

pushing past my fear

I don’t know why I fear using my cane in public. A variation on impostor syndrome or something maybe? Whatever is going on my mind, I’m pushing past it with the help of friends and especially my boyfriend. So last night, we went to a show and had balcony seats. Man, I get so anxious navigating those steep concrete stairs and navigating through all those people and I’ve been noticing at every show lately there is little undercurrent of anxiety which makes me a bit cranky so at the encouragement of my boyfriend, I brought my cane. And what do you know, it was a bit easier! I still need to feel confident in trusting the cane and using it as a tool to get around easier. And I will get less self conscious and more comfortable using it the more often I do! I’ll have more chances next week, as we’ve got two more shows coming up. One is in my favorite club that’s become nearly impossible to navigate as it’s painted black. hah!

Also, if you get a chance, LCD Soundsystem is a totally dancing fun time and you should definitely see them live!

shorter days longer nights

Well, it’s that time of year that always gets me so down. We fall back this weekend and I’m already dreading the extra strain of getting around in darkness so early in the day, when I actually have to be out and about, ya know, commuting home from work and getting my kids from after school care. In the summer, I can function almost normally because there is SO MUCH light and it’s easier and frankly, way less painful. Case in point, I walked into a fire hydrant yesterday morning and almost ran into a bicyclist on Wednesday evening (who was totally being a dick by biking on the sidewalk but still.)

My seven year old tries to help but she’s seven, a kid, and often in her own imaginative world so I don’t blame her when she doesn’t give me fair warning. I am happy to announce that I did use my seeing eye cane on Halloween night for trick or treating. GO me! I am going to have to start having it on me all the time now. I need to get over whatever is holding me back (I’m not disabled enough, not blind enough, worried about what people might think/say/do that I encounter out and about) WTF ever is my issue, I need to

Running has kind of taken a back seat. Which makes me feel depressed. Which in turn makes me not want to get out and run. Which makes me feel depressed and the cycle continues. I am planning on signing up for a series of races in 2018 which will help me in the motivational department. I already am entered into one that falls near my birthday so happy 43rd birthday to me.

Treadmill running 

Two mornings so far! Gotta half marathon next week that I’m not that prepared for but I will run it and enjoy the morning and have fun! 

I’m going to try to run on that treadmill 4 times a week and get outside for longer runs twice a week. 

Make a plan, stick to the plan

My life has been topsy turvy and I’ve let running slip to the way side but it’s like therapy and I’ve gotta get back to it for my mental health.

Run girl, run!

Going stir crazy here in the frozen north. I’m too much of a wuss to get my ass outside and run in these frigid temps. Oh but I have a treadmill…yes, yes I do but I loathe that thing. I think Friday, the BF and I will hit up the Y and I can run on a glorious indoor track. It’s so glorious and I can’t wait

seeing eye canes

I started orientation and mobility training (or O&M training) with a white seeing-eye cane. So that’s been fun. I’ve yet to use the cane on my own but I will eventually. I like knowing I have the option to use it, its like carrying a security blanky with me while out traveling. I did run into a big ass dude the other night getting off the bus at a busy transit center. So soon, I’ll get tired of saying sorry and get over myself and use the damn thing. I read a great article from the BBC about how the author with low vision felt like a fraud at first using her cane and that is exactly how I feel. I don’t want any confrontation from strangers who see me get on the bus with my cane and then see me reading on my phone and can’t figure out how I can see my phone but struggle seeing my surroundings. For  many people, blind = no vision at all but the reality is blind = lots of varying degrees of vision for the majority of us blind folks. And for many of us blind and low vision folks, our eyeballs and our brains do magic to help us fake it! It truly is amazing how much our brains fill in when we have holes in our vision. But we can only rely on that for so much. Also, it makes me tired as hell to have to be constantly scanning my surrounding hoping I catch ALL the hazards in my path–look up, to the left, down, oh shit don’t run into that person coming seemingly out of nowhere to the right, up again, down, to the right, oh shit a tree branch–and that’s with the sun shining or in a nicely lit room. Turn off the lights or after sundown and it’s even harder to catch everything.

So the cane will be tremendously helpful for navigating. I want to maintain as much independence as I can in this next chapter of my life. I just have to get over myself!


Well folks, that’s all she wrote

for this season of running. I am feeling this year was pretty blah overall, I ran enough races but I didn’t get out there and just run for the fun of running as much as I wanted too. So, my  winter plan includes a bit of relaxing  with a least two runs a week, between the track at the Y and forcing myself outside on the above zero degree Fahrenheit days to maintain my fitness level. And let’s be honest, my sanity.